Part I // Part II // Part III // Part IV
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With this post, I'm going to wrap up the series on biblical sexuality that I started at the beginning of September. If the conversation to this point has been more philosophical than practical, I hope this last chapter will provide some simple yet powerful steps to overcoming temptation, specifically in the area of sexuality. I went through a number of drafts and settled ultimately on what I hope will be a useful and encouraging conclusion. If you're reading this and struggling for purity as I have, it is my prayer that you will know victory through the power that Christ alone supplies.
By way of encouragement, keep in mind that
experiencing temptation is, in itself, not sin. Christ Himself, fully God and fully human, was tempted in all the same ways we are, but endured the allure without sinning (
Heb 4.15). Therefore, the fact that I feel tempted to sin in a particular way -- though I might be disgusted by my own propensity -- is
not the sin itself.
Alasdair Groves, one of the instructors at the CCEF foundation, stated this principle so profoundly: “God is glorified in the struggle.” Here's what that means. That means I am aware of my weaknesses. That means I confess when I fall -- to God, to anyone against whom I've sinned by my choices, and to anyone who will commit to praying for me and keeping me accountable. That means that I am
actively fighting against that sin and taking precautions not to succumb to it -- in other words, not just rolling over when the temptation comes upon me. By employing all of the defenses at my disposal, I express to Christ His surpassing worth -- that I am not content with the unsatisfactory lusts of the flesh and desire to glorify Him above all else.
If you've read any or all of the posts in this five-part series, hopefully they've provided some motivation to you to continue struggling. Sexual failures in particular can feel like quicksand, and Satan wants us to think that we're too entrapped to get out of the mire -- so that we won't even try. Yet the Scriptures teach us that God's grace covers our sinfulness when we repent (so we don’t need to feel guilty anymore), and that His Spirit empowers us to overcome in the future (so we don’t need to feel hopeless anymore). He is a merciful God who forgives shortcomings, and a powerful God who provides the necessary strength to overcome temptation.
For the believer, giving up is not an option. It doesn't matter how long and sordid your history of sexual failure is. God's grace is not conditional. It doesn't have a deductible.
He completely saves, and He purposefully empowers.
Identify where you are weak
Everybody struggles in a different way. For some, their weakness might be pornography. For others, it might be same-sex attraction. For others still, it might be infidelity. Often those temptations crisscross and become complexly interwoven. Regardless of specifics, the Apostle James cuts to the heart of the matter when he defines temptation as the misguided leading of our own carnal desires -- whatever they may be (
Jas 1.14). Therefore, acknowledging our specific weaknesses is an all-important first step to overcoming our areas of temptation. We can't begin to combat our sin problem if we don't know where it begins or what triggers it -- or if we continue to pretend that it isn't a problem and we can "handle" it. Maybe we deceive ourselves into thinking that our struggle is no big deal, that we can keep it quiet and limit the damage. We can try to bury our failures, but they're always there beneath the surface, ready to pop up again whenever we trip over the shallow grave. Ultimately, no matter how good a job of hiding them we manage to do, there is One to whom we will inevitably give an account of all our deeds -- One from whom nothing is hidden (
Heb 4.13). In order to overcome, we need to choose instead to bring our weaknesses out into the light.
A wise counselor, under whom I had the privilege of learning, used to make a right angle with his arms and say, "You never fall into sin from here." Changing the L into a severely acute angle, he'd conclude,
a fortiori, "You fall from
here."
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| This is not Pastor Joe Schenke, but he seemed like a willing volunteer. |
The idea is this: when we fail to identify our weaknesses, we give a little ground. The angle becomes a few degrees steeper. We're like a frog in a pot of water, comfortable even as the temperature continues to climb -- so long as it's only one degree at a time. Each moment we don't take action, we get a little closer to the boiling point. By the time we actually commit the sin, it's because we've ignored all the warning signs. Ultimately, the danger comes upon us before we even realize how close we are.
If instead we choose to be honest with ourselves, to search our hearts for our weak points and bolster our spiritual defenses -- acknowledging the warning signs as the temptation nears -- then we effectively sensitize ourselves to our own weaknesses. Instead of giving our sin the luxury of a stealthy approach under the cover of darkness, we install motion sensing floodlights.
Typically, we're ashamed of our sexual sins. Though Hollywood might glorify the libido and promote cultural notions of sexual freedom, the reality is that sex is emotionally scarring when it is misused. There's enough guilt packaged into sexual sins that makes it incredibly difficult to open up about the ways in which we've violated our own chastity. We tend instead to bury the truth and keep our heads down -- lest somebody become wise to our failures.
By the same token, however, once we get past that initial hill and open our hearts to another believer, there is incredible encouragement to be found in the sharpening quality of iron on iron (
Prov 27.17). Contrary to popular belief, Christian fellowship isn't centered on potluck dinners after Sunday services. Christian fellowship is more in line with James' encouragement that believers should pray for one another and confess their sins openly (
Jas 5.16). The writer of Hebrews took that assertion even further, stating that we should engage in this type of mutual exhortation on a daily basis in order to escape sin's tendency to harden our hearts (
Heb 3.13). This is a visceral and uncomfortable practice, but it engages us in a real, practical, and genuinely encouraging way. We are all wounded soldiers helping each other limp to safety -- requesting aid where we are weak, lending strength where we are strong. Though Christ has made us whole, there is still a long ways to go before we are completely rid the curse of sin and death. Accountability is one of the most powerful tools we can utilize to overcome sexual temptation, simply because there is strength in numbers, and we are capable of pointing out flaws in our brother or sister that we might miss in ourselves.
Accountability is a powerful catalyst for change.
I love
this song that a friend of mine wrote. It captures the sentiment that I think many who struggle with sexual sin carry:
I'm not worth saving. I'm too far gone. Don't waste your time on me.
If that's where you are, remember that God's grace is not conditional. It doesn't matter how much wrong you've done. Christ's death was once and for all, and the redemption He offers is enough to cover each and every failure.
So stop lying to yourself.
You
aren't too far gone.
This
isn't just who you are.
Your sin
is a big deal and you
do need to stop.
It
isn't too late to repent.
God
does love you. He also hates your sin. That's why He gave His Son -- so you could have something better.
People
won't reject you or look at you differently if you open up to them. In fact, they've most likely struggled in some of the same ways.
You
need other believers to help carry you through.
Prayer and honest confession are instrumental in turning a losing battle with sexual temptation into a victory.
Practice godly disciplines
Paul frequently wrote in his epistles about "putting on" and "putting off" different behaviors. The overarching idea is simply that it isn't enough to stop sinning: we must replace a bad behavior with a good behavior in order to truly implement change. To overcome a tendency to lie, it's not enough to resolve to stop telling lies -- I must also begin to tell the truth. To overcome the tendency to sin sexually with a woman, it's not enough to simply stop the act of sex -- I must also begin to seek help, to change my thinking about sex and my own desires, and to seek purity instead.
It's not enough to simply
stop. We must replace the bad behavior with a good one.
Don't misunderstand: we cannot atone for our sinfulness. Heaping up all of our good deeds still won't stack up to the level of
perfection, and that's what God requires. However, once we have come to a saving, life-changing knowledge of Christ, suddenly we have the ability to
stop sinning. Through God's power, we have a newfound capacity to walk in obedience, whereas before our best attempt to get clean was to take a bath in the mire. We no longer need to be perfect, because Christ was perfect on our behalf. Yet we still strive for holiness, because wholehearted spiritual obedience is the natural result of genuine salvation. That's why Paul talks about replacing poor behavior with good behavior -- not because we can somehow be good enough to earn heaven, but because we can now begin to train ourselves to practice obedience.
Interestingly, when we apply the practice of spiritual disciplines to areas where we
aren't weak, it makes it easier to practice obedience in the areas where we
are. When Paul told the Thessalonian believers to "abstain from every kind of evil," he preceded that command with a list of other spiritual "to-dos" -- prayer, service, and the practice of such things as thankfulness, humility, and accepting instruction (
1 Thess 5.14-22). So, if I'm struggling with lust and choose to devote myself to prayer (honest confession, humble thanksgiving, and earnest supplication) and ministering to others (the moral opposite of lusting after them -- giving instead of taking), that sin will have fewer handholds in my heart to grasp.
Here's why this approach works:
sin is pervasive. It isn't neatly confined to one "area" of our hearts. Sin has the quality of a liquid: conforming to the shape of its container, filling each part of our spirituality. To do battle in one area is to do battle in them all, which is why we need to use
all of the biblical resources available to us -- not just prayer, not just the Word of God, not just the wisdom of our spiritual elders. To do battle through prayer is to hack at one tendril of sin -- the one that says God isn't enough and that sex should be my right to use how I see fit. To do battle through service is to uproot the creeping vine that insists relationships exist for my benefit. All of these areas converge on the same sin.
Furthermore, this approach takes the focus off the sin itself and places it on God instead. Like Peter, we need to take our eyes off of the waves and put our focus back onto Jesus. The battle is really His anyway -- we can't fight it alone. That means that, instead of beating our heads against the struggle with a particular sin, we throw ourselves into desperate, prayerful dependence upon God's strength. Instead of depending upon spiritual self-help books (and blogs), we can begin to replace the tendency to sin with steps of obedience, taken in God's uplifting grace.
That
doesn't mean, of course, that I can tolerate my sinful behavior while trying to be spiritual. That's often what we try, and it doesn't work. Going to church, giving an extra-large tithe, and helping a fellow congregant move don't collectively substantiate for the glaring sin problems we are keeping hidden behind the doors of our hearts -- justified because we're "praying about them" and waiting for God to miraculously remove the temptation. That "approach"
isn't an approach. It's spiritual laziness. That reveals nothing but a desire to avoid hard tasks, and a heart that values sin over righteousness.
We have to address and tackle our specific struggles -- not just ignore them, and certainly not revel in them. No amount of good behavior can compensate for any amount of bad, and no amount of blissful ignorance can remove the mountain of temptations that we face. However, if I am truly developing other ares of my life, practicing spiritual disciplines, and actively attempting to replace my sinful acts with God-honoring behaviors, then the habits I'm forming and the choices I'm making will invariably impact my area of weakness.
Faith
can move mountains, after all (
Matt 17.20).
Learn to hate the sin
This may be the hardest step to implement.
Let's be honest. Sin is
fun -- especially sexual sin. It's a forbidden delight. It's thrilling. It's addictive.
That's why we not only need to change our behavior, but also our perspective.
I'm convinced that until we learn to despise our wickedness, until we are truly brokenhearted over the state of our hearts, we will continue to wrestle with our sinfulness. God extends mercy and comfort to those who mourn for their own sinful condition (
Matt 5.4). That doesn't just mean that I feel bad and wish I hadn't failed. Truly mourning over my sin means being overcome with the type of grief that compels me to confess my wrongdoings -- both to God and to the ones whom I've offended -- as wicked, selfish, idolatrous violations of His perfect order, and inspires heart-changing repentance.
The most difficult command in the Bible to keep is to be holy the way God is. That's because holiness isn't measured in degrees. I'm not a mere 85% holy if I have sexual sin in my life. Holiness is all-encompassing: either I'm made holy through Christ's redeeming blood, or I'm utterly wicked, stained scarlet by the sin I refuse to relinquish. That type of black-and-white dichotomy doesn't jive with moral relativism, but it is absolutely biblical. Either I'm for Christ or I'm against Him (
Luke 11.23). Therefore, if I'm truly a child of God, then I will desire to be like Him -- holy as He is holy -- and should no more crave the type of defiling wickedness that categorizes life without Him.
Am I going to be tempted? Certainly.
Will there ever be a point at which I'll be immune to temptation's allure? Probably not.
Remember, Christ Himself was tempted in all ways, even through His final moments on the cross. If the Son endured temptation throughout His human life, then it only follows that we will also.
Am I going to fall? Probably. But a mistake is different than a characteristic behavior.
To have a lustful thought and confess it immediately is to hate sin and to pursue righteousness before God. To allow lust to marinate, however -- to allow it room to grow from thought into action, and to avoid confessing that sin or to do anything about it -- is to make that sin characteristic. At this point, it is no longer a mistake; it is a lifestyle. Paul warned professing believers against thinking that they were truly saved if this was how they conducted themselves. Those who make a practice of sexual immorality -- in other words, those whose lives are characterized by sin instead of righteousness -- cannot expect to enter into heaven (
1 Cor 6.10).
If instead we recognize all of our desires can be fulfilled in Christ alone and train our hearts to earnestly desire heaven -- instead of becoming distracted by the deceitful allures of a broken world -- we can begin to hate sin with the same fervency God does. To tolerate sin is to allow lust to linger; to eradicate sin and pursue Christ instead is to practice the righteous type of hatred for wickedness that characterizes God Himself. "I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless," David wrote in the Psalms, "I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me" (
Psa 101.3). Hating the sin means allowing it no room for dominion in my heart.
FLEE
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| Joseph flees Potiphar's wife, leaving his coat in her grasp. |
The bottom line when it comes to overcoming temptation, is that -- above all else --
it is to be fled, not tolerated. We do well to quote
1 Corinthians 10.3 when it comes to a personal struggle: "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability." But we always leave out the quintessential second half! Paul continues, "But with the temptation he
will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."
Don't miss this. According to this favorite passage of struggling Christians,
endurance is predicated upon the way of escape. Overcoming temptation isn't about me defeating it by sheer willpower. That means that I should do everything in my power to be conscious of my temptation, taking all of the aforementioned measures to avoid it before I ever choose to face it.
99 times out of 100, when I try to endure without fleeing,
I will fail. 99 times out of 100, I'll find myself immediately thereafter moping, feeling sorry for myself, and wondering why I even bothered trying. Instead, like Joseph, we need to flee the scene of the crime -- before the crime is ever committed. It is absolutely futile to screw up my face and insist, "No! I'm better than this!" but do nothing to get away from the temptation. At that point, I'm a heroin addict going through withdrawal, left alone with a loaded needle.
Temptation is
always to be fled -- often literally. When we fail, it's not because God tested us beyond our ability or failed to give us the strength He promised: it's that we ignored the prime opportunity to escape that He provided. We need to use the lifelines He extends in order to overcome the battle with our own weaknesses.
Fleeing sin is not retreating. It is not conceding the battlefield. Certainly we take a stand against sin in the world -- against the errors of heretical teachings and against sin creeping into the body of Christ. When it comes to our personal struggle with sin, however, doing battle means taking precautionary measures to stem the influence of our old way of living, because
Christ already overcame sin. The war is already won, the enemy already defeated. Our job, therefore, is much less maintaining a self-defeating offensive than avoiding the lingering fallout -- keeping ourselves unstained by the world until the Savior returns in glory, to bring us home for all of eternity.
~*~
All that being said, you can practice all of these steps and still fall into sin. These are not foolproof methods, and our hearts often deceive us.
Furthermore, we can pray with all our might for God to remove temptation from us, but He doesn't always take us out of harm's way. Why? Not because He enjoys watching us stumble, but because He will test our loyalty to Him. How we respond to temptation is an indicator of how much we love Him.
We will never become perfect. We've already irreparably tarnished our record. However, we are made holy by the blood of the lamb, and the charges against us have been placed upon the Messiah -- the Redeemer. Recompense for the debt of sin had to be made, and so Jesus placed His own perfection on the altar and paid the bill in full. Through the freedom provided us via His sacrificial act, we have the potential to never choose sin again. Most likely we'll still fail. But if we take precautionary steps to approach temptation biblically and repent as soon as we stumble, we can wrap ourselves in the Holy Spirit and never again fall into a pattern of debilitating sinful behavior.
God's grace covers our sinfulness when we repent, so we don’t need to feel guilty anymore.
His Spirit empowers us to overcome in the future, so we don’t need to feel hopeless anymore.
He is a merciful God who forgives shortcomings. He is a powerful God who provides the necessary strength to overcome temptation.
To Him be the glory, forever and ever. Amen.
