Objectification, Idolatry, Comparison... enemies of being a Christ-exalting neighbor

Speaking as an introvert...  People often strike me as strange, distant, unpredictable, and intimidating creatures.

As a member of the fallen human race, it's in my nature to compare and contrast myself with others of the species, in an effort to better define and understand my own identity.  As beings created to worship, it is fearfully easy to give people the ultimate say, escalating their opinions and ideas to the place of ultimate truth in my life.  At the opposite extreme, it comes as no surprise that it's so easy to misuse, misjudge, or otherwise abuse the people around us -- typically, those who are more different than alike.

Ironically, my pastoral profession requires me to engage with people despite my personality traits!  Even more importantly, as a Christ-follower, it is my spiritual responsibility to move toward others -- no matter who they are or what they have done -- with the undeserved love that was shown to me.  I don't have the excuse of my natural wiring to avoid my neighborly obligations.

When it comes to relating to others, here are some important truths I need to keep in mind.  I'd be willing to bet you do too.

People are not objects -- things to be used for our own benefit

Matthew 9.36: When [Jesus] saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.

Do you remember being a kid and wanting to hang out with the friend who owned that thing you didn't?  Maybe your friends had a trampoline or a pool.   My parents didn't particularly want TV consoles in our house, and Jeff and Brian both owned the N64.  While I genuinely liked those guys as friends, I also really wanted to play Goldeneye...

In adulthood, maybe it looks like accepting the invite from a neighbor you don't really like, but who said you could come watch the big game on their 4K HD screen.  Or maybe it's asking your friend out to a slightly more expensive restaurant than usual when you know he or she is likely to offer to cover the bill. Maybe it's via the conscious objective to "only surround myself with positive people," or maybe it's the choice to attach ourselves to the project team at work that has potential to garner the boss's attention.

There are so many ways we use people in simple, everyday moments to benefit ourselves.  The example of Jesus, however, was to see people not as means to an end, but as the purpose into which we should pour all of our compassion and care.  When we intentionally focus on modeling the Savior's heart to dignify the personhood of others, along with all of their unique challenges, hurts, and needs, it becomes increasingly unlikely that we will treat them as if they only exist for us.

People are not a source -- functional saviors that we elevate and depend upon

Matthew 10.28: Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 

Even those among us who may be more confident than their peers still have a tendency to fear certain people.  It might not always look like hero worship.  Sometimes it looks like needing to be the hero for others, because we all hold a deep-seated need to be respected and valued by others.  Whenever we make other human beings ultimate, we subject ourselves to a sneaky and hard-to-see idolatry that can actually be a form of arrogance, couched in false humility.

This is especially visible in family relationships.  I can obsess over what my wife thinks and how she makes me feel.  I can crave the sense of purpose and fulfillment I feel when my kids respect and obey me.  I might be totally fine with some of my siblings making certain comments about me, but get bent out of shape when the one whose respect I don't feel I have chimes in.  When your in-laws don't honor expectations, or your parents still treat you like a child after a decade of marriage, and you find yourself reacting from a surprisingly deep well of frustration, you have attached high value to what you believe these people can/should provide you.

Our confidence and our awe must be staked in the God we serve.  Father, Son, and Spirit deserve our adoration.  Our rest and well-being come from the Godhead.  Any approval we know is purely by the merits of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

A proper view of ourselves and a proper view of God rightly puts the people we tend to depend upon, fear, or subjugate all in their rightful place.

People are not obstacles -- things to get past

1 Corinthians 13.4: Love is... not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful...

Philippians 2.3: Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Romans 12.10: Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor...  16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Not everyone is an antagonist.  Not everyone designs and aims for our cruel downfall.  Not everyone who fails to live up to our expectations deserves our ridicule and scorn.

My worldview should not be like my particular attitude toward rush hour traffic: as if everyone between me and home is -- at best -- an annoying inconvenience I can't wait to get around, or -- at worst -- a blight on civilization for their criminally negligent inability to drive the speed limit, use their turn signals, and safely operate their vehicles.

For the Christ-follower, there is no acceptable alternative to loving people -- not even the difficult ones.  Not even those who think, believe, and live in ways that challenge our conventions.  Avoidance or the facade of cordiality might feel like the lesser of two evils, where distance can pause open conflict and create the illusion of peace, but pursuing real shalom with all men requires far more intentionality and self-sacrifice than we are often willing to commit.

When everything is reduced to competition... when I'm not willing to work with someone who I fear will slow me down or damage my reputation... when I can only tolerate a particular person or group in increasingly minimal doses... when I can no longer regard a neighbor charitably... when I resort to character defamation and slander...  when I lump a certain group or ideology under one irredeemable umbrella... I have taken up this damaging perspective, reducing fellow image-bearers to neanderthals or one-dimensional Bond villains, incapable of learning and perpetrators of incredible evil.

People are image-bearers: unique and to be loved as neighbors

I'm not actually sure which mischaracterization is the worst.  Objectification demeans others to the point of antipathy.  Deification elevates to the point of idolatry.  Vilification demonizes to the point of grotesque caricatures.  None is acceptable or prescribed for healthy Christian relationship.

My calling, as a member of New Creation humanity (per 2 Cor 5.17 and Eph 2.19), is to represent the goodness of God by embodying Christlike compassion, respect, and charity toward others.  There is no room for animosity or idolatry if I am to love the lost through the gospel and build up my brothers and sisters in a sharpening, Spirit-inspired fashion.  If I am to truly honor others as fellow image-bearers, then I must intentionally combat my fleshly tendencies to categorize people according to my own preferences.

I cannot justify antipathy as emotional self-care or self-protection.

I cannot couch idolatry of self or others in a sense of self-respect or personal confidence.

I cannot straw-man or slippery-slope opponents via the claim that I have a responsibility to speak gospel truth.

While I do not bear the same level of responsibility toward random passersby in my life that I do to family, co-workers, and geographical neighbors, I nevertheless owe my fellow image-bearers a look into Christlike compassion, respect, and charity -- whenever, wherever, and however I interact.

If I ever dare to pray, "Father in heaven, hallowed be Thy name," then I bear responsibility of making certain I truly represent His name as holy in all of my words and actions before men.  Living under this prayer means taking seriously my role of introducing others to the One in whom I have believed, and -- by my own actions -- portraying Him as being outstanding in His divine, moral character.  

I do all of this best by being a Christ-exalting and self-surrendering neighbor.

Kaylee, 2013-2025

Not long after we were married, Tara and I started talking about getting a dog.  She wanted a lab of some sort, and I wanted a German Shepherd.  So it seemed like divine confirmation when we were out grocery shopping and just so happened to see a sign on a car window saying, "Ask me about my black lab / German shepherd puppies!"  For that reason, we liked to tell people we got Kaylee from Aldi: we simply followed the sign inside, inquired of the cashier, and from there found ourselves in a private home a few days later, observing a litter of about 15 lab/shepherd puppies all in one massive, wrestling bundle on the kitchen floor...  All except for one sweet little girl off to the side who just sat there, looking up at us, quietly wagging her tiny tail, waiting with such expectancy for us to pick her up.  When I did, and she instantly snuggled into my neck, Tara and I both knew we'd found our girl.

"Lady," as she'd been named, came home with us the next week, when she was old enough to leave her mother.  Naturally, we wanted to give her a name we'd picked out, so we decided to call her "Kaylee."  For the Firefly fans out there, I always intended to find her a "Simon."  But Kaylee (who also went by "K-snaps," "Kayleebean," "Puppernickels," and a wide variety of other affectionate nicknames) was more than enough dog for us, all on her own.  As a matter of fact, she was the reason for both of our moves: when we disclosed her to the apartment management at Forest Creek, they told us we couldn't keep her, but by that point she'd already become part of our family.  The Woodstown bungalow we moved into was a perfect first home (bat infestation notwithstanding), but it only had a tiny little triangle of a yard out back, and Kaylee loved to run.  And so, three years later, we sold that property and moved to Swedesboro, back to the neighborhood in which Tara and I had both been born and raised, knowing we needed a bigger yard for our pup, in addition to a few extra bedrooms since Tara was two months pregnant with Zeke.

Kaylee loved our yard here in Swedesboro.  She was a black, furry missile, streaking from one end to the other, chasing out rabbit intruders and greeting passing neighborhood dogs.  In fact, before we finished fencing in the yard, she gave several passersby near heart attacks by racing up to them when we weren't paying attention.  I did not get off on the right foot with one neighbor for that very reason...  As much as she loved her outdoor spaces and our various chairs and couches, Kaylee also loved going just about anywhere with us.  Of course, her eagerness was always a bit of a trade-off with how nervous she would be en route.  The DNA evidence would be left all over the car seats, dashboard, and windows by the time we reached our destination.  Up until we started traveling with two or three car seats, she would tag along just about everywhere we went -- across town to visit either set of parents, to a local dog park, all the way down to Cape May on family vacations.

 

She had quite a few friends over the years: Apple, Tony, Gus, Rocky, Tinkerbell, Kilikina, Sushi, and Han & Leia to name just a few.  One morning when I was walking her around our Swedesboro neighborhood, a rottweiler leapt clear over his fence and came after us.  Not knowing what else to do, I yelled at him, "Stop!" and pulled Kaylee along (she was very eager to meet him).  Purely by God's grace, the dog halted in his tracks and didn't follow us across the street.  Another rottweiler we used to pass in Woodstown would spin in dizzying circles behind his fence every morning when we'd walk by.

Kaylee spent her very first night with us crying nonstop in our apartment kitchen.  Penning her up in there was part of our efforts to housebreak her.  While she didn't have any accidents, we also ended up with the soft top of our card table shredded (we didn't own a puppy gate), zero sleep, and tons of anxiety that our nextdoor and downstairs neighbors would complain about us to management.  Night number two, Kaylee slept in the bed with us.  In fact, she did so basically from then on, snuggled under my arm, right up until the time Tara was way too pregnant with Zeke for us all to fit comfortably in on a queen mattress during the summer months.  From there, a disgruntled Kaylee moved under the bed on Tara's side -- probably because I was the bad guy who kicked her out.  We used a wooden cradle from Tara's parents for each of our kids during their first few months ex-utero.  Zeke was a heavy sleeper from day one, but Nora was a restless fidgeter whose sudden, thrashing movements and gasps (all while still being fast asleep), rattled the old cradle and terrified Kaylee so that she became too nervous to sleep near her anymore.  She fled to the other side of the room, or out into the adjoining hallway (our playroom) until each baby finally moved upstairs and the cradle moved out.  Melody was a lot more like Zeke when she finally came onto the scene, but Kaylee was so traumatized by the Nora experience that she stayed away from the cradle preemptively.

In her early years, we oscillated between crating and leaving her to free-roam while we were out.  She never had many accidents, but she often got into things.  Stray hair clips and pens were the primary targets of her boredom.  As a puppy, she chewed through the patch cables on my guitar pedalboard once.  Another time, we came home to the entire (and I mean ENTIRE) apartment floor covered in a layer of plastic shopping bags.  I can only imagine her discovering the pile of them in the corner by the microwave and excitedly zipping back and forth and spreading them everywhere.  Thankfully, they were all intact -- if she ate any of them, we never saw evidence at the other end!

The Woodstown season was a sweet one for us, being a young couple with a furry plus one.  While we lived there, Kaylee would play hide and seek with Tara when we'd both come home at the end of the day.  Tara would hide in a closet while I'd let Kaylee out to use the yard.  Once back inside, she'd tear around the whole house sniffing and wagging until she found whichever closet "Mommy" was hiding in.  A retaining wall ran behind that house at a diagonal, creating our triangle property, and Kaylee would often hop up onto the wall and sit there, haunches deep in ivy, daring the landscape workers who parked their trucks in the gravel lot behind us to come closer.  Sometimes she'd jump down and bark her head off at them, running back and forth as far as her lead would allow.  She also got to ride in the back of a pickup truck in the Woodstown 4th of July parade one year, when Tara worked for a local CPA who featured his business in the event.  One of our bedsheets still has stains on it from the time she put her paw in wet tar while we were walking around the block near where the township was resealing the streets.

How Kaylee adjusted over time to the kids was a special thing to watch.  Before we had any children, she was always nervous around any of the small humans our friends had the audacity to bring into her realm.  It was partly in her Shepherd nature to be hyper alert and quick to defend, so anything loud and unpredictable that violated the quiet sanctity of our home was a potential danger.  Over time, however, she warmed up to Zeke taking the bones she was chewing on right out of her mouth and Nora trying to climb on her (sort of).  By the time Melody came along, she'd mellowed into a mostly unflappable old age and had to be coerced to get up and move, even when a child was trying to step over her.  As soon as Mel would be in the high chair though, Kaylee was up in the blink of an eye, eager to clean up after her.

Kaylee was a kisser.  We had a ton of incentive early on to train her not to nip, since she had those razor sharp puppy teeth that made tug of war, wrestling, and fetch serious dangers to the digits. So kissing was our replacement mechanism.  "No bite!  Give kisses!"  Instead of nipping, she would lick unabashedly, jumping up to get your face if she could, and would coat your hands, arms, and legs with affection if you allowed her.  On the day we had to say goodby to her, it had been a while since she'd given any of us kisses, probably in part because she'd become so stationary and the five of us weren't practicing much stillness with her.  But when the time came, she had one final kiss in store for Tara, some precious licks that reminded us of better days.

I feel so grateful that Kaylee was a such a healthy dog throughout her years with us.  Aside from visits to pet clinics for rabies boosters and Frontline treatments, she really only made four visits to the vet for health-related issues.  One trip came when she managed to pull out a few stitches following her spay.  Another time she had to be sedated, following some kind of panic attack in her crate where she managed to break a few of the metal bars and also bite through her upper lip, getting the tooth stuck in the inside of her mouth, and we couldn't help her get it out ourselves.  Legend has it she had to be given enough sedative to calm a Great Dane before the vet could perform the five-minute operation.  In the spring of this year, she had to see the vet for pneumonia.  At the time, I thought she had something stuck in her throat, but X-rays revealed pneumonia in her lungs, and also an enlarged liver that probably was a sign of something cancerous.  Although the medication cleared up her breathing, she never fully recovered from the illness, and her appetite dwindled away to nothing.  Her last visit to St. Francis was on Monday, September 22nd, 2025, the day we knew her quality of life had deteriorated, both because whatever was going on in her belly had caused her to rapidly lose weight and stop eating, and the hip dysplasia was making it impossible for her to go up and down our steps or even to stand up by herself on the hardwood floors of our home.

It's so hard to let an animal go.  Growing up, I remember being sad about family pets passing, but I didn't quite experience those losses the same way.  For Tara and me, Kaylee has been a part of our family almost from the very beginning.  It's weird to go around corners and not trip over her, to feel crumbs on the floor under my bare feet while walking through the kitchen or dining room, to come in the door and not be greeted by a wagging tail, to not get down on the floor next to her and give her belly pats.

In many ways, our still-young family has experienced a charmed life to this point.  By God's providence, loss and grief have as yet been removed from us.  Kaylee's passing is a bit of a practice in sad affairs with our kids, who prior to this had only ever lost a hermit crab before (and even he lived way past his life expectancy).  It gave us a window to carry something together, to rehearse good memories, and to be reminded that life this side of heaven is precious and very, very temporary.  But also that death is not the end.

We buried Kaylee behind the house, no more than 15 feet removed from where she used to sleep under Tara's side of the bed.  As we laid her to rest, I was thankful to read the words from Every Moment Holy Vol II, "Loss of a Living Thing."  I'll close this already-way-too-long eulogy with an excerpt.

Here was your good creature,
and here were the spaces and the days we
shared, enjoying the glad company
and cheerful fellowship of a fellow creature.

We made room in our lives,
room in our home, room in our hearts,
to welcome your unique creation.
And we gave your good creature the name
Kaylee.

We were filled with a right and fond affection
for another living thing your hands had made,
delighting daily in its presence.

Now this season of our shared lives
is ended by death.
Our hearts are unprepared for such loss,
and we are deeply grieved.

We are thankful for the many blessings
of knowing this creature,
and for the lingering imprint
of such a cherished presence in our lives.
We are grateful for these good memories of sweeter times... 

We know that the final working of your redemption
will be far-reaching,
encompassing all things in heaven and on earth,
so that no good thing will be lost forever,
so that even our sorrow at the loss
of this beloved creature will somehow,
someday, be met and filled,
and, in joy, made forever complete.

Comfort us in this meantime, O Lord,
for the ache of these days is real.

Amen. 

 

 

Stop reducing your statement of faith to fit on your front marquee

There are many legitimate reasons to leave an organization.  Where I've been planted for over a decade, it would take quite a change of culture, ministry philosophy, or vision -- or a specific calling from the Lord -- for me to uproot.  However, I have made it clear to the team with whom I serve that there is one hypothetical situation that would unquestionably send me packing...

One of my biggest pet peeves is church marquees.  To borrow a friend's analogy, they are like the worst of Twitter (X).  The example included here (courtesy of ChatGPT) is far less offensive than some actual ones I've seen in my area recently.  But even this attempt at wordplay, though adopting a humorous posture, is nevertheless offering commentary about this imaginary congregation's not-so-generous view of other faith traditions.

Digital, screen-printed, or old-school plastic, marquees come in a variety of distasteful flavors.  In no particular order, here are just a few types of content that especially make me cringe, groan, and/or low-key rage every time I drive by:

• Dad jokes
• Political commentary or patriotic slogans
• Clunky attempts to make faith pithy
• Sappy invitations that presume to know the audience
• Out-of-context Bible verses or phrases
• Inflammatory or mean-spirited statements presenting one-dimensional theology
• Sadly out-of-touch attempts to be culturally relevant
• Weak efforts to de-legitimize other churches, faiths, or denominations

Who doesn't love a good dad joke, right?  I'm a dad.  It's like my emotional currency with my kids.  But is the church marquee where I want to unload those classic groaners, particularly in association with ideas that I believe are sourced from divine and timeless truth?

How imperative is it that passersby know that the unborn right to life is the capstone of your church's statement of faith, and why does that precede the gospel as the thing of first importance for the community to know about your belief system?

Is it truly helpful to encapsulate in simple catchphrases complex Scriptural teachings that entire volumes have been written to address and expound?

While the inspired words of the Bible have great power, and even an excerpt can be a mechanism the Holy Spirit might use to open eyes to the truth of the gospel, should we continue to feed into soundbyte culture that wants everything condensed into pill form?  Or should we instead make it our practice to be inviting them to participate in a much larger, longer, and richer conversation?

I'm just asking questions.  I may, in fact, share a church's viewpoint on a particular issue, and yet I cannot align myself with their manner of communication.

As far as I'm concerned, there is only one reason for a church to have a marquee, and that is to communicate relevant information about times for gathering.  Even then, I'd still be a proponent of ripping that thing out of the ground and planting a shrubbery instead.

Now that I've complained, let me do some explaining.

Everything communicates, and first impressions are often the most enduring (not the most endearing).  The Church's purpose -- being salt and light, a city on a hill, a redeemed and anointed priesthood to the nations -- does not mean we have to take an aggressively outspoken and public stand on every divisive cultural issue.  How helpful is it to proclaim what we stand against?  Shouldn't we strive to be known only by our love for the simple, uncluttered gospel of Jesus Christ: God Himself freely offered for sinners?  Those outside our gatherings need only the invitation to come.  There, they will hear from us -- personally and over time! -- our particular views on and practices of all other matter of ethics, faith, and theology, where they can be more fully treated and understood.

There is no possible way to encapsulate a rich and nuanced theological point in the amount of characters available on a marquee.  One-liners are a butchers knife or a cudgel while truly pastoral teaching requires a scalpel, wielded with laser-focused precision.  Churches should never prefer bluntness over carefulness, especially not in their most forward and exposed statements to the community around them.  It's easier than ever to be misunderstood in a TikTok-trained, media-saturated, ADHD soundbyte culture, so why feed into the trend?

Attempts at cleverness directly undermine compassion and care.  Is it really a good thing for people to get the sense that your church is "down-to-earth" and "doesn't take itself too seriously?"  Do we not cheapen or tarnish something precious and of infinite value by making light of it?  Are not the things pertaining to following Christ of eternal importance?  Is not the gospel a message of hope and rescue to hurting and needy people?  We should adopt the Apostle Paul's sincerity: he insisted that believers must not be like street peddlers of worthless trinkets, just trying to make a buck for themselves, but rather present ourselves as ambassadors of the New Covenant, proclaiming the triumph of Christ over sin and death, and inviting the lost into an eternal Kingdom of healing and hope (2 Cor 2.17).

Loud political opinions reflect poorly examined and badly applied theology.  It's worth remembering that there are genuine, grace-covered followers of Jesus Christ on both sides of almost every single issue that divides us.  After all, Jesus called both Matthew (a tax-collecting stooge for Rome) and Simon (an anti-imperialist Jewish zealot) to walk together with Him in their shared ministry to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.  Even if you can argue your view from Scripture as the "right" one, truth cannot be properly articulated without grace, because our beliefs are not isolated or disconnected from our conduct.  Our manner of speech, verbal or in print, should always reflect Christ's heart of compassion for those who are lost, and a willingness to pursue unity even in our various perspectives.  Broadcasted marquee opinions are, by their very nature, devoid of tact and opposed to the spiritual discipline of good listening (Jas 1.19).

Personal invitation is always more gospel-centric than enticement or provocation.  By their messaging, some churches seem to favor luring the spiritually curious into their services.  The marquee is like a movie teaser for the jaw-dropping blockbuster release of the sermon.  Others use intentionally divisive language as a challenge to outsiders, daring them to react.  Either approach reeks of arrogance.  If our goal is to be mysterious and coy, we reveal our pride over our own spiritual insight and imply that we delight to make theologically uneducated people feel small.  Faithful preaching is neither entertainment, nor should it be an opportunity to flex our spiritual muscles.  On the other hand, if our intent is to use our marquee to spout fire and brimstone, it may as well be a bullet-riddled "No Trespassing" sign, declaring to the community that anyone holding a different viewpoint is unwelcome and beyond the saving hope of the gospel.

Bottom line: it's problematic for a church to misrepresent Christ, the gospel, and God's intent for His people.  As churches, God's people should strive to be as clear, thoughtful, and intentional as possible in all of their communication efforts, especially those targeting the community outside, who have no context to understand our levity or passion.  As individual followers of Christ, it's likewise critical that we be purposeful and winsome in how we communicate.  Everything from bumper stickers to t-shirts to social media posts must be weighed carefully.  These things don't nearly point to Christ as much as we might think they do.  More often, they just serve to highlight our own ideas and opinions, not the gospel.

So!  I'm routinely grateful that our church doesn't have a marquee out front.  If we ever do get one, well...