Part I // Part II // Part IV // Part V
____________________________
In a back edition of Reader's Digest, Glenn Cunningham -- the great American athlete and miler -- recounted the following story:
Sexuality in dating is pandemic. The general sentiment of the modern age is "try it before you buy it" -- that is, if there even is any intention of "buying" at all. There are a number of things wrong with that sentiment, not the least of which is the fact that it elevates sexuality to the principle element of love and relational connectivity. An even bigger problem, however, is that it frontloads a complete lack of trust into the relationship, building earthworks of emotional suspicion that are ultimately debilitating.
In the famous wedding passage, 1 Corinthians 13, Paul talks about love "believing all things" and "hoping all things." In other words, biblical love is the type that believes and hopes the best of the other individual -- it doesn't assume or presume wrongdoing or malcontent. It chooses instead to look past the other person's faults, believing in his or her character, and trusting in the legitimacy of his or her reciprocal love.
"That's foolish," the world says. "How do you know you can really trust that person?"
Well, if we want to be philosophical about it, you can't. Not really. Let's be honest: we can only know what's in our own hearts, and even then we often have the nasty tendency to deceive ourselves. But that doesn't mean we should treat relationships as lost causes, adopting a House-ian, misanthropic outlook and assume the worst in everybody. Biblically, we recognize the faults inherent in every human being and extend the same type of grace to them that we ourselves have received.
Furthermore, the whole point of dating is to get to know the other person's character -- to begin to know who he or she truly is. There are so many dimensions to this kind of relational exploration, but "sexual chemistry" doesn't need to be part of the equation. It shouldn't be. Sexuality is a wonderful voyage of discovery, but it is best experienced for the first time with your spouse. Marriage is the appropriate place for sexual intimacy. Dating, on the other hand, is the opportunity to learn about the person in whom you're romantically vested, to determine whether or not he or she is the type of individual who could help you to become more like Jesus Christ. Dating is the opportunity to compare interests and backgrounds, to know where each other is strong and where each other is weak, and determine if your mutual interest is something that can grow into a God-honoring love, that can be mutually edifying. If that is how we approach dating, then the details of sex and the importance of "chemistry" become not nearly as important as our culture makes them out to be.
In other words, you don't need to know how good the other person is in bed to have a meaningful, lasting relationship. Sex is best experienced the way God intended it: in the protective confines of a committed marriage.
Dating is not the time or the place for that level of intimacy.
Before I go on, please don't take this post as a criticism of dating. It's not intended to be. It's also not a followup to Joshua Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye (a book I've never even read). It is, however, a caution to teenagers, college students, and single adults alike who claim the name of Christ, yet find themselves drowning in a sea of cultural expectations, sex-drenched media portrayals of love and relationships, and horribly failed dating attempts.
It's a warning that there's a dangerous, crumbling edge somewhere out there in that murk.
Don't go over it. In fact, don't get anywhere close to it.
That, of course, can seem tricky at first glance, because there are no explicit "rules" in the Bible when it comes to dating. In that regard, we have to remember who the Bible was written to (the Old Testament to ancient Israel, and the New to the early church) at the same time we remember who it was written for (all men of all eras now and to come). Neither ancient Israelite culture nor those who lived during the early church age practiced any form of dating, which is why the Bible doesn't mention it. However, there are principles that the Bible does teach that should govern the way we conduct ourselves in all manner of relationships, not the least of which is dating.
And by the way, while it might be silent on issues specific to a dating culture, the Bible is not silent on the fact that sex belongs in marriage (just in case you thought or hoped it was). Paul says that anyone who can't control his or her sexual urges should find a spouse rather than burn with lust (1 Cor 7.9), and in Genesis 29, Jacob's abstention from sexual relations with Rachel prior to their wedding showcases the God-given manner of waiting until marriage. Under Old Testament law, men who violated virgins were expected to marry them (Ex 22.16; Deut 22.29), and a woman was expected to be a virgin when she married (Deut 22.13-21). While we are no longer under Old Testament law in the sense that we must follow all its rules and regulations, the principle of holiness that undergirded them remains our standard of living. Furthermore, God designed the sexual relationship to be exclusive (Song 2.16; Deut 22.22-30) and requires that the marriage bed should not only be honored but also remain unstained by any worldly immorality (Heb 13.4), and marital infidelity is condemned throughout the Scriptures (Prov 5.15; 7:1-5; 10-11).
If there is any standalone passage that seems to me like an illuminating beacon, shining through the mist of how to conduct one's self in a dating relationship, it's Paul's encouragement to Timothy that young men should treat sisters in Christ as though they are literally siblings, in a manner of utmost purity (1 Tim 5.1). And what is biblical purity, but to love God above all else, and to be self-controlled, disciplined, and untainted by worldly influence (Titus 2.12; Jas 1.27)? If that is how we should conduct ourselves in general, then it is how we should conduct ourselves in dating relationships. In other words, if you wouldn't touch, address, or look at your sister the way you do your girlfriend, or if you find that you have a difficult time controlling your sexual impulses around her, both are good indicators that your dating behavior has reached the crumbling edge and is dangerously close to plummeting into the pit of sexual immorality -- if you haven't already fallen in.
Another lighthouse in the murk is 1 Corinthians 13 itself. If love is to be exercised without selfishness as Paul claims -- without "seeking its own" (13.5) -- then we can logically conclude that any act of sexuality outside of marriage is a form of seeking one's own. In our flesh, we are always going to selfishly desire personal gratification, but that doesn't mean we have to succumb to that drive. We can choose instead to value the other person's good. To act out on my inappropriate sexual desires is to say, "I care more about my own desire than I do about your integrity." On the other hand, if we were to show honor the way the Bible commands (Rom 12.10), we would treat everyone -- especially our significant others -- with purity, genuinely valuing holiness in ourselves and in others the way God does.
The bottom line here is that sexual immorality is not just a minor issue. Sex outside of marriage isn't "no big deal." The sin of lust, which Jesus equated to the act of immorality itself (Matt 5.28), is the type of sin that can affect any walk of life, and it will utterly consume and destroy everything in your life if left unaddressed (Job 31.12). Therefore, the biblical principles -- "rules," if you will -- that we impose upon ourselves as believers aren't there to keep us from having fun or expressing our individuality as the world might think. They're there to protect us from the inevitable consequences of sexual immorality.
I was an English student, so I like to think about things through a literary lens. In that regard, I find it helpful to consider sexual immorality via the five journalistic W's and the H.
The who (not the band) might be less obvious than it seems. The who could be your significant other, your casual date, or your friend with whom "it's complicated." The who is anyone with whom you are sexually active who is not legally married to you. That also includes any kind of sexual intimacy with a member of the same gender. SSA is as expressly sinful in the Bible as pre-marital sex. Either instance is taking sex out of the context of biblical marriage and applying it to an unhealthy, unwholesome, and ultimately self-seeking relationship.
The what/why is simply the act of sexual gratification. What am I looking for when I begin to look at or touch a woman inappropriately? I'm looking to satisfy a desire. Why am I doing that? Because my hormones and my emotions are telling me it's the natural thing to do. Whether she initiates it or I do, one of us is lusting and choosing to act upon it, thereby forcing the other to refuse or succumb to the sin as well.
The where/when together are the key qualitative factor, naturally informing the others. We know that sexuality in marriage is not only biblically permissible, but also fully encouraged by God as an act of love between a husband and a wife. Therefore, the where/when of sexual immorality is any type of sexual activity that takes place outside those parameters. By the way, that also includes the period of engagement, because the marriage is not legal until the certificate has been signed -- even though the couple is committed to one another and nearing the wedding. If that's where you are currently, don't trip up at the finish line. The experience is worth the wait.
Considering the parameters of where and when sexuality is acceptable, the how is hopefully almost irrelevant, because any sexual activity outside of the where/when (marriage) is immoral. The how list might as well be an umbrella that includes any and all expressions of sexuality: things like masturbation, making out, and oral sex, though they might not be intercourse per se, are not off the hook. I don't mean to be explicit, but in our flesh, we tend to draw subjective lines that are capable of satisfying both a personal sense of propriety as well as sinful desires, all the while obscuring the truth. "Well, yes," we admit, "I did do that... But I didn't do that." In God's eyes, it's all the same -- whether we "go all the way" or only get to "second base."
Frankly, if you have to ask the question "How far is too far?" then you probably shouldn’t be pursuing a dating relationship. That question communicates that you are less concerned with honoring God than you are with getting what you want out of the relationship. On the other hand, if you choose to pursue biblical purity, then you will honor your date by valuing his or her holiness. Couples who struggle with sexual temptation, but who want to glorify God through their relationship, can ask two broad questions when it comes to their dating choices: "Where do our minds go?" and "Where do our hands go?" Maybe that seems juvenile, but these questions can apply to issues like "Do we kiss goodnight?" or "Where is a safe place to go on a date?" The details will look different for each couples, because temptation varies. For some couples, a kiss goodnight and holding hands on a date are perfectly innocent expressions of affection, but for another couple those same actions immediately lead elsewhere. Regardless of your specific tendency, the objective should always be to remove temptation -- to flee from it, as the Bible prescribes (2 Tim 2.22; 1 Cor 6.18). If we are really concerned with living pure, Christ-honoring lives, then we should be willing to give up goodnight kisses and hand holding in order to preserve our sexual integrity.
No matter what your specific sexual temptation is, don't tolerate it. For that matter, don't tolerate another temptation that might lead to that temptation. To do so is to create gateways for deeper sinful behaviors and debilitating habits to form that will utterly turn your relationship and your faith inside out.
It's part of human nature to be frustrated by rules like that. When I was a teenager, I didn't want to hear adults' warnings that my emotional and physical closeness to my girlfriend was both dangerous and inappropriate. In our flesh, we see rules as limitations on how we are to proceed -- lines that say "here, but no further." The prideful spirit within us, the voice that says "I know what's best for me," and "Give me the chance to figure it out myself!" doesn't want to recognize the wisdom in parameters. It sees moral guidelines only as restrictive.
It's ironic, then, that we enjoy games at all. Games have rules. There's an objective, something you must do to achieve it, and something you can't do if you want to achieve it. The same goes for biblical guidelines: there's an objective (holiness, a life of undefiled worship before the Father), and we have parameters on how to achieve that. If we follow the rules, we "win." If we don't, we "lose." To play tic-tac-toe outside the box is to make the game itself illegitimate. Therefore, instead of feeling restricted by biblical morality, we should recognize that the path of righteousness that God requires of His followers is the very constitution of emotional health and spiritual stability. Peter T. Forsyth, the Scottish theologian, made the great observation that the "first duty of every soul is to find not its freedom but its Master." It is only by finding our Master -- by willingly placing ourselves under His wise and completely reasonable rules -- that we may also obtain spiritual freedom in Christ.
We are constrained by Christ so that we may be free in Him.
The bottom line, according to the Scriptures, is that there is no freedom apart from Jesus. Without Him, we are slaves to wickedness. The Bible describes our previous condition as a type of death -- death in our sinful trespasses (Eph 2.1). We can't choose not to do bad things. That's the idea behind Isaiah's equivocating man's good works to bloody menstrual rags (Isa 64.6). Even the most generous philanthropist acts more to assuage a sense of moral obligation rather than simply out of the goodness of his heart.
In a recent blog post entitled, The Gospel vs. Moralism, Scott Sauls beautifully delineates between moralism (or "religion") -- a toxic deviation from the gospel -- and the gospel itself, describing the former as the practice in which an individual "tend[s] to do the right things but for all the wrong reasons," whose "joy and gratitude about Jesus’ love is less... a motivator than a desire to feel superior to others, to ease guilty consciences with good works, or to somehow impress God." Only the Spirit can decipher man's intentions, of course, but it is absolutely true that the illusion of morality in the world is merely that -- an illusion. Why? Because, as Sauls goes on to say, "We are all much worse off than we think."
There is no goodness in the heart that does not belong to Christ.
For that matter, there is no true joy in the heart that does not belong to Christ.
None of that is intended to sound pessimistic. It's intended to be realistic. With God, we are free to love and to serve, to live for righteousness and no longer for our own selfish wants. Without Him, we are inconceivably wicked. That is why we must submit ourselves to the "rules" of New Testament living -- not because we need to fulfill a moral obligation, but because our hearts should yearn to love Christ with the sum total of our being.
He doesn't require hands to do His bidding. He requires hearts to fellowship with Him and give Him glory.
Keep that in mind as you pursue a dating relationship. The goal of dating isn't just to find a soulmate. The goal is to love Christ through the God-ordained blessing of loving another human being.
If you are dating or are in a serious relationship, be aware that your infatuation for your significant can easily supersede your love for God. Don't ever be completely alone with your date, and don't allow your relationship to become a hindrance to your other friendships. Get reliable accountability -- not just for physical temptation, but also for the emotional temptation to treat your significant other as though he/she is already your spouse. The appropriate time for that will come later. Be faithful, be compassionately honest, and be willing to end the relationship if it ceases to be glorifying to God. Be sure to spend time apart -- at least as much if not more than you do together. Always encourage one another.
If you are a teenager and your parents don't allow you to date, be thankful for their protection and honor their wish. I know that sounds unfair, and you most likely have a serious crush on someone whom you'd like to be dating. Trust that God has given you parents for your training in righteousness and for your protection. They know firsthand the dangers of dating -- they've been there, and they want to protect you from temptation. That's a good thing. It's not that they don't trust you. And even in the supremely unlikely event that they truly don't trust you, then frankly you've proven to them by your choices that you can't be trusted. This is still a good scenario even then, because they are keeping you from certain failure. Either way, your parents are not just trying to keep you from being happy. They are concerned with your spiritual well-being. Now, while you're single, is the perfect time to practice submission to their authority, to learn the spiritual discipline of patience, and to devote your heart more fully to God alone.
Whoever you are, don't for a moment think you are strong enough to handle the temptations inherent to dating. If we think we stand, we need to pause to consider before we fall (1 Cor 10.12).
Remember, there's a crumbling edge out there in the murk. It will always be there. But if you cling to biblical purity more than your perceived emotional "needs," you never have to go anywhere near it.
If you love Christ above all else and walk in His footprints, He will guide you safely around the chasm.
____________________________
To a frightening degree, I think this is how Christians in the modern era handle dating. We get lost in the cloud of emotion and expectations, knowing all the while that there's a crumbling edge somewhere nearby but never really sure how many steps away it is. Even though we're trying to keep an eye out -- trying to keep ourselves informed by the biblical principles of love, purity, and holiness -- we often discover ourselves on brink of falling into the chasm below before we even realize the imminence of the danger.Africa's Victoria Falls produces a cloud of mist that is often heavy enough to impair visibility. While I was walking the path that skirts the gorge into which the Zambezi River tumbles, I noticed a sign on the rim but could not make it out. Not wanting to miss whatever it might be noting, I slithered and slid through the mud out to the very brink only to read the message: "Danger! Crumbling Edge."
Sexuality in dating is pandemic. The general sentiment of the modern age is "try it before you buy it" -- that is, if there even is any intention of "buying" at all. There are a number of things wrong with that sentiment, not the least of which is the fact that it elevates sexuality to the principle element of love and relational connectivity. An even bigger problem, however, is that it frontloads a complete lack of trust into the relationship, building earthworks of emotional suspicion that are ultimately debilitating.
In the famous wedding passage, 1 Corinthians 13, Paul talks about love "believing all things" and "hoping all things." In other words, biblical love is the type that believes and hopes the best of the other individual -- it doesn't assume or presume wrongdoing or malcontent. It chooses instead to look past the other person's faults, believing in his or her character, and trusting in the legitimacy of his or her reciprocal love.
"That's foolish," the world says. "How do you know you can really trust that person?"
 |
| "Everybody lies." |
Furthermore, the whole point of dating is to get to know the other person's character -- to begin to know who he or she truly is. There are so many dimensions to this kind of relational exploration, but "sexual chemistry" doesn't need to be part of the equation. It shouldn't be. Sexuality is a wonderful voyage of discovery, but it is best experienced for the first time with your spouse. Marriage is the appropriate place for sexual intimacy. Dating, on the other hand, is the opportunity to learn about the person in whom you're romantically vested, to determine whether or not he or she is the type of individual who could help you to become more like Jesus Christ. Dating is the opportunity to compare interests and backgrounds, to know where each other is strong and where each other is weak, and determine if your mutual interest is something that can grow into a God-honoring love, that can be mutually edifying. If that is how we approach dating, then the details of sex and the importance of "chemistry" become not nearly as important as our culture makes them out to be.
In other words, you don't need to know how good the other person is in bed to have a meaningful, lasting relationship. Sex is best experienced the way God intended it: in the protective confines of a committed marriage.
Dating is not the time or the place for that level of intimacy.
Before I go on, please don't take this post as a criticism of dating. It's not intended to be. It's also not a followup to Joshua Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye (a book I've never even read). It is, however, a caution to teenagers, college students, and single adults alike who claim the name of Christ, yet find themselves drowning in a sea of cultural expectations, sex-drenched media portrayals of love and relationships, and horribly failed dating attempts.
It's a warning that there's a dangerous, crumbling edge somewhere out there in that murk.
Don't go over it. In fact, don't get anywhere close to it.
That, of course, can seem tricky at first glance, because there are no explicit "rules" in the Bible when it comes to dating. In that regard, we have to remember who the Bible was written to (the Old Testament to ancient Israel, and the New to the early church) at the same time we remember who it was written for (all men of all eras now and to come). Neither ancient Israelite culture nor those who lived during the early church age practiced any form of dating, which is why the Bible doesn't mention it. However, there are principles that the Bible does teach that should govern the way we conduct ourselves in all manner of relationships, not the least of which is dating.
And by the way, while it might be silent on issues specific to a dating culture, the Bible is not silent on the fact that sex belongs in marriage (just in case you thought or hoped it was). Paul says that anyone who can't control his or her sexual urges should find a spouse rather than burn with lust (1 Cor 7.9), and in Genesis 29, Jacob's abstention from sexual relations with Rachel prior to their wedding showcases the God-given manner of waiting until marriage. Under Old Testament law, men who violated virgins were expected to marry them (Ex 22.16; Deut 22.29), and a woman was expected to be a virgin when she married (Deut 22.13-21). While we are no longer under Old Testament law in the sense that we must follow all its rules and regulations, the principle of holiness that undergirded them remains our standard of living. Furthermore, God designed the sexual relationship to be exclusive (Song 2.16; Deut 22.22-30) and requires that the marriage bed should not only be honored but also remain unstained by any worldly immorality (Heb 13.4), and marital infidelity is condemned throughout the Scriptures (Prov 5.15; 7:1-5; 10-11).
If there is any standalone passage that seems to me like an illuminating beacon, shining through the mist of how to conduct one's self in a dating relationship, it's Paul's encouragement to Timothy that young men should treat sisters in Christ as though they are literally siblings, in a manner of utmost purity (1 Tim 5.1). And what is biblical purity, but to love God above all else, and to be self-controlled, disciplined, and untainted by worldly influence (Titus 2.12; Jas 1.27)? If that is how we should conduct ourselves in general, then it is how we should conduct ourselves in dating relationships. In other words, if you wouldn't touch, address, or look at your sister the way you do your girlfriend, or if you find that you have a difficult time controlling your sexual impulses around her, both are good indicators that your dating behavior has reached the crumbling edge and is dangerously close to plummeting into the pit of sexual immorality -- if you haven't already fallen in.
Another lighthouse in the murk is 1 Corinthians 13 itself. If love is to be exercised without selfishness as Paul claims -- without "seeking its own" (13.5) -- then we can logically conclude that any act of sexuality outside of marriage is a form of seeking one's own. In our flesh, we are always going to selfishly desire personal gratification, but that doesn't mean we have to succumb to that drive. We can choose instead to value the other person's good. To act out on my inappropriate sexual desires is to say, "I care more about my own desire than I do about your integrity." On the other hand, if we were to show honor the way the Bible commands (Rom 12.10), we would treat everyone -- especially our significant others -- with purity, genuinely valuing holiness in ourselves and in others the way God does.
The bottom line here is that sexual immorality is not just a minor issue. Sex outside of marriage isn't "no big deal." The sin of lust, which Jesus equated to the act of immorality itself (Matt 5.28), is the type of sin that can affect any walk of life, and it will utterly consume and destroy everything in your life if left unaddressed (Job 31.12). Therefore, the biblical principles -- "rules," if you will -- that we impose upon ourselves as believers aren't there to keep us from having fun or expressing our individuality as the world might think. They're there to protect us from the inevitable consequences of sexual immorality.
The who (not the band) might be less obvious than it seems. The who could be your significant other, your casual date, or your friend with whom "it's complicated." The who is anyone with whom you are sexually active who is not legally married to you. That also includes any kind of sexual intimacy with a member of the same gender. SSA is as expressly sinful in the Bible as pre-marital sex. Either instance is taking sex out of the context of biblical marriage and applying it to an unhealthy, unwholesome, and ultimately self-seeking relationship.
The what/why is simply the act of sexual gratification. What am I looking for when I begin to look at or touch a woman inappropriately? I'm looking to satisfy a desire. Why am I doing that? Because my hormones and my emotions are telling me it's the natural thing to do. Whether she initiates it or I do, one of us is lusting and choosing to act upon it, thereby forcing the other to refuse or succumb to the sin as well.
The where/when together are the key qualitative factor, naturally informing the others. We know that sexuality in marriage is not only biblically permissible, but also fully encouraged by God as an act of love between a husband and a wife. Therefore, the where/when of sexual immorality is any type of sexual activity that takes place outside those parameters. By the way, that also includes the period of engagement, because the marriage is not legal until the certificate has been signed -- even though the couple is committed to one another and nearing the wedding. If that's where you are currently, don't trip up at the finish line. The experience is worth the wait.
Considering the parameters of where and when sexuality is acceptable, the how is hopefully almost irrelevant, because any sexual activity outside of the where/when (marriage) is immoral. The how list might as well be an umbrella that includes any and all expressions of sexuality: things like masturbation, making out, and oral sex, though they might not be intercourse per se, are not off the hook. I don't mean to be explicit, but in our flesh, we tend to draw subjective lines that are capable of satisfying both a personal sense of propriety as well as sinful desires, all the while obscuring the truth. "Well, yes," we admit, "I did do that... But I didn't do that." In God's eyes, it's all the same -- whether we "go all the way" or only get to "second base."
Frankly, if you have to ask the question "How far is too far?" then you probably shouldn’t be pursuing a dating relationship. That question communicates that you are less concerned with honoring God than you are with getting what you want out of the relationship. On the other hand, if you choose to pursue biblical purity, then you will honor your date by valuing his or her holiness. Couples who struggle with sexual temptation, but who want to glorify God through their relationship, can ask two broad questions when it comes to their dating choices: "Where do our minds go?" and "Where do our hands go?" Maybe that seems juvenile, but these questions can apply to issues like "Do we kiss goodnight?" or "Where is a safe place to go on a date?" The details will look different for each couples, because temptation varies. For some couples, a kiss goodnight and holding hands on a date are perfectly innocent expressions of affection, but for another couple those same actions immediately lead elsewhere. Regardless of your specific tendency, the objective should always be to remove temptation -- to flee from it, as the Bible prescribes (2 Tim 2.22; 1 Cor 6.18). If we are really concerned with living pure, Christ-honoring lives, then we should be willing to give up goodnight kisses and hand holding in order to preserve our sexual integrity.
No matter what your specific sexual temptation is, don't tolerate it. For that matter, don't tolerate another temptation that might lead to that temptation. To do so is to create gateways for deeper sinful behaviors and debilitating habits to form that will utterly turn your relationship and your faith inside out.
It's part of human nature to be frustrated by rules like that. When I was a teenager, I didn't want to hear adults' warnings that my emotional and physical closeness to my girlfriend was both dangerous and inappropriate. In our flesh, we see rules as limitations on how we are to proceed -- lines that say "here, but no further." The prideful spirit within us, the voice that says "I know what's best for me," and "Give me the chance to figure it out myself!" doesn't want to recognize the wisdom in parameters. It sees moral guidelines only as restrictive.
 |
| Moral Relativism 101 |
It's ironic, then, that we enjoy games at all. Games have rules. There's an objective, something you must do to achieve it, and something you can't do if you want to achieve it. The same goes for biblical guidelines: there's an objective (holiness, a life of undefiled worship before the Father), and we have parameters on how to achieve that. If we follow the rules, we "win." If we don't, we "lose." To play tic-tac-toe outside the box is to make the game itself illegitimate. Therefore, instead of feeling restricted by biblical morality, we should recognize that the path of righteousness that God requires of His followers is the very constitution of emotional health and spiritual stability. Peter T. Forsyth, the Scottish theologian, made the great observation that the "first duty of every soul is to find not its freedom but its Master." It is only by finding our Master -- by willingly placing ourselves under His wise and completely reasonable rules -- that we may also obtain spiritual freedom in Christ.
In his book, The Reason for God, Tim Keller gives the following account:
A friend of C. S. Lewis's was once asked, "Is it easy to love God?" and he replied, "It is easy to those who do it." That is not as paradoxical as it sounds. When you fall deeply in love, you want to please the beloved. You don't wait for the person to ask you to do something for her. You eagerly research and learn every little thing that brings her pleasure. Then you get it for her, even if it costs you money or great inconvenience. "Your wish is my command," you feel -- and it doesn't feel oppressive at all... For a Christian, it's the same with Jesus. The love of Christ constrains. Once you realize how Jesus changed for you and gave himself for you, you aren't afraid of giving up your freedom and therefore finding your freedom in him.Salvation by grace is a narrow concept, yes. There is only one way to heaven. It's God's way or no way at all. However, the rules that the Bible imposes on followers of Christ are not about limitation. They're about freedom -- freedom from a life in which it is impossible to please God and impossible to escape from sin. That's why we are no longer subject to Old Testament law, which was about limitations: Mosaic law (essentially Leviticus through Deuteronomy) was a series of rules that were impossible for the Jews to keep completely, and the point was to demonstrate that they needed God -- not to show them the way of morality that would get them to heaven. By contrast, the "rules" that New Testament believers follow aren't intended to show us our failures: they're about holiness, and they're a natural byproduct of being a true Child of God.
We are constrained by Christ so that we may be free in Him.
The bottom line, according to the Scriptures, is that there is no freedom apart from Jesus. Without Him, we are slaves to wickedness. The Bible describes our previous condition as a type of death -- death in our sinful trespasses (Eph 2.1). We can't choose not to do bad things. That's the idea behind Isaiah's equivocating man's good works to bloody menstrual rags (Isa 64.6). Even the most generous philanthropist acts more to assuage a sense of moral obligation rather than simply out of the goodness of his heart.
In a recent blog post entitled, The Gospel vs. Moralism, Scott Sauls beautifully delineates between moralism (or "religion") -- a toxic deviation from the gospel -- and the gospel itself, describing the former as the practice in which an individual "tend[s] to do the right things but for all the wrong reasons," whose "joy and gratitude about Jesus’ love is less... a motivator than a desire to feel superior to others, to ease guilty consciences with good works, or to somehow impress God." Only the Spirit can decipher man's intentions, of course, but it is absolutely true that the illusion of morality in the world is merely that -- an illusion. Why? Because, as Sauls goes on to say, "We are all much worse off than we think."
There is no goodness in the heart that does not belong to Christ.
For that matter, there is no true joy in the heart that does not belong to Christ.
None of that is intended to sound pessimistic. It's intended to be realistic. With God, we are free to love and to serve, to live for righteousness and no longer for our own selfish wants. Without Him, we are inconceivably wicked. That is why we must submit ourselves to the "rules" of New Testament living -- not because we need to fulfill a moral obligation, but because our hearts should yearn to love Christ with the sum total of our being.
He doesn't require hands to do His bidding. He requires hearts to fellowship with Him and give Him glory.
Keep that in mind as you pursue a dating relationship. The goal of dating isn't just to find a soulmate. The goal is to love Christ through the God-ordained blessing of loving another human being.
If you are dating or are in a serious relationship, be aware that your infatuation for your significant can easily supersede your love for God. Don't ever be completely alone with your date, and don't allow your relationship to become a hindrance to your other friendships. Get reliable accountability -- not just for physical temptation, but also for the emotional temptation to treat your significant other as though he/she is already your spouse. The appropriate time for that will come later. Be faithful, be compassionately honest, and be willing to end the relationship if it ceases to be glorifying to God. Be sure to spend time apart -- at least as much if not more than you do together. Always encourage one another.
If you are a teenager and your parents don't allow you to date, be thankful for their protection and honor their wish. I know that sounds unfair, and you most likely have a serious crush on someone whom you'd like to be dating. Trust that God has given you parents for your training in righteousness and for your protection. They know firsthand the dangers of dating -- they've been there, and they want to protect you from temptation. That's a good thing. It's not that they don't trust you. And even in the supremely unlikely event that they truly don't trust you, then frankly you've proven to them by your choices that you can't be trusted. This is still a good scenario even then, because they are keeping you from certain failure. Either way, your parents are not just trying to keep you from being happy. They are concerned with your spiritual well-being. Now, while you're single, is the perfect time to practice submission to their authority, to learn the spiritual discipline of patience, and to devote your heart more fully to God alone.
Whoever you are, don't for a moment think you are strong enough to handle the temptations inherent to dating. If we think we stand, we need to pause to consider before we fall (1 Cor 10.12).
Remember, there's a crumbling edge out there in the murk. It will always be there. But if you cling to biblical purity more than your perceived emotional "needs," you never have to go anywhere near it.
If you love Christ above all else and walk in His footprints, He will guide you safely around the chasm.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thoughts? Comments? General gripes?