We all fall down and fall apart for love

This age is carousel

I remember all the horses

I forget all of their names

"Ladders" – Lovedrug (Wild Blood, 2012)

~*~

It was cool in our apartment and I'd only just gotten home from work.  My wife was out, working in her family's farm market until late, so I shuffled Lovedrug albums on my iPod before sitting down at my computer to get some work done on my senior thesis.  I became distracted, however, when "Ladders" came on, and I found myself sitting back in my seat, pondering the delusions of men and the temporality of reputation (instead of the integrity of art and the ever-present threat of commercialism, which I should have been writing about for my final paper of the semester).

The guys in my band and I have an interesting relationship with Lovedrug. Three of us, including myself, were contributors to the I AM LOVEDRUG campaign, a simple pledge drive which the band began way back in November of 2010 to fund their fourth studio release.  We know their songs by heart, wear their t-shirts, and we almost had the opportunity to play with them for an unplugged show.

Purporting themselves as "purveyors of cloud rock," a genre of their own creation, Lovedrug's first two albums (Everything Starts Where it Ends, 2004; Pretend You're Alive, 2007) are guitar-driven art-rock, full of pervasive and haunting beauty, augmented by poetic lyrics of considerable metaphoric depth.  The first time I heard "Down Towards the Healing" and "It Won't Last," I was enamored with the way the band approached their material, the way they let the tension of the storm always boil below the surface of the lilting guitar melodies.  I think what I love the most is that, while the musicianship is clearly there, Shepard, Owen, and Ladd were far more concerned with the layered beauty of the album's haunting melodies than exhibiting their musical prowess.  Instead of showing off, they created music.

Unfortunately, the band's third and fourth releases (Sucker Punch Show, 2009; Wild Blood, 2012) are significantly more pop-influenced, comprised of material much more akin to that of their fellow touring acts (Juliana Theory, Copeland, Kings of Leon to name a few) than the sound they developed on their first two projects.  It is over these latter two albums that the opinions within the Synaesthesia family diverge.  Some of us like Sucker Punch less than others, and our opinions on which of the trio of EPs released prior to Wild Blood is truest to the original Lovedrug sound differ as well.  However, we all agree that something changed after Pretend - something that may have to do with lineup changes (the loss of Ladd and Owen) or with working with a different producer.  As loyal fans, we all supported the Wild Blood project, but if we were hoping for a return to the Everything Starts Where it Ends era, we were to be somewhat disappointed.  "Premonition" (originally spelled "Premunition" on EP I, and with a drastically different chorus), "Ladders," and the album's title track all have elements of the early Lovedrug sound in them, and the album is certainly more cohesive than Sucker Punch was, but overall, both project feels somewhat over-produced, nowhere near the timbre of the band's early material.  Although they did use songs from the EPs, there were definitely other tracks with more potential that the band decided not to include in the final product.  I suppose that's the danger of releasing demos to the general public: we all have our own opinions, so someone out there is going to be disappointed that "Dead in the Water" from EP II didn't make the final cut.  Or maybe that's just me.

However, I didn't begin writing this simply to ramble about the band (or to escape from writing my paper).

The lines from "Ladders" which I quoted to begin this post reminded me of an expression I'd heard, probably something the pastor of my church once used in a sermon, a paraphrase of Galatians 1.10 and a reference to Max Lucado: "Don't seek the applause of men; seek the applause of heaven."  On the surface, it's a simple statement: man's praise is fleeting, seeking to be told "well done, good and faithful servant" is ultimately more rewarding (Matt 25.20).  However, I don't think that the admonition should be taken to mean that our lives should be anything close to pursuing our own celebration.  In fact, Scripture would teach the exact opposite - that our humility should be such that we put others before ourselves (Mark 9.35, John 13.14) and ultimately strive to make much of God, His attributes, and His redemptive work, not our own profitless good works (Gal 2.16, Eph 2.8, 2 Tim 1.9, Titus 3.2-7).  However, the life lived in the pursuit of righteousness, calling daily upon the name of the Lord and walking in the Spirit, will result in the "applause of heaven."  This is not necessarily a reward, but a measure of our existence.

Are we pursuing the only life worth living?

God delights in His children, those of us who do His will (Psa 147.11).  He desires relationship with us, which is why He sent His Son: so that we can be with Him eternally.  Consider the gospel in simplest terms: "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life" (John 3.16).  God's love for us was so great, so vast, and so deep that He planned from all eternity to pour out His just wrath upon His Son instead of upon those of us who so righteously deserved nothing more than to be separate from Him for all eternity.  When Max Lucado's editor read portions of the Applause of Heaven manuscript to the executives of his publishing company, one of the men present became emotional at Lucado's descriptions of "God's hunger to have his children home, about how he longs to welcome us and may even applaud when we enter the gates."  Lucado goes on to share that while it's easy to imagine certain things about God, such as His "creating the world and suspending the stars" and the fact that he is "almighty, all-powerful, and in control," it is much more difficult to image a God who is "in love with me...  who is crazy for me... who cheers for me."  While it is certainly the truth that God, being all-powerful and all-sufficient does not need us, it is also true that He still desires us, despite all of our flaws.  Our Father is "relentlessly in pursuit of his children.  He has called us home with his word, paved the path with his blood and is longing for our arrival."

That is absolutely overwhelming.

The point I want to make is this: despite our affinity for this world, which we only temporarily call "home," it does not celebrate us the way God does.  Like Michael Shepard says in "Ladders," this cyclical world remembers all its horses but forgets all their names.  Though individuals rise into the spotlights of society, entertainment, and government, despite the fact that they are loved and celebrated (some certainly more than others), that type of adoration is nothing compared to that which the Father has for us.  On their first album, Caedmon's Call released a song called "This World," in which they joyously proclaim: "this world has nothing for me / And this world has everything."  It's the truth: all our world can offer is breakable toys, temporary fame, weary ambition.  There is nothing which can bring satisfaction the way God does. 

Just to be clear, this isn't intended to be a "feel good about yourself" post or even a pick-me-up for a bad day.  What it is intended to be is an encouragement to worship God for who He, for what He's done, and for what He's promised to do.  Neal Morse has a song called "Sing it High" on Testimony in which he proclaims, "He's [Jesus] the way / He's the goal / He's the song in your soul."  Jesus is the reward God offers: Himself, not the mere applause of heaven.  The chorus to "Ladders" concludes with the following line: "I cannot bring you back / From these ladders that you're climbing on."  The problem with searching for happiness is the same problem that plagues the religions of this world: meanwhile, while pilgrims have been climbing mountains (and ladders) to seek God, God came down to seek them.  Maybe Michael couldn't reach his audience, but I'm going to try with mine anyway: get off your ladder, because it's only going to lead you to a plateau far short of what you were looking for.  Jesus is the only way, and He is the only goal.  Take comfort, strength, and joy in that understanding alone.

Also, if you form an art-rock band at any time in the future...  Stick to your original sound.