The Ministry of Parenthood

Ever since Tara and I started down the journey of parenthood, I've been especially moved by passages such as Psalm 78 that emphasize externalizing our faith by passing it on to the next generation.  As I study the Scriptures, I am convinced that a faith that is real is a self-replicating faith.  As a youth pastor, seeking to instill faith in others is something I've been seeking to do for a number of years with teenage students who aren't really my children.  However, with the advent of parenthood and the arrival of my son, Zeke, this purpose has gained an entirely new dimension.

Asaph writes the following purpose statement into his epic history of the Israelite nation in the wilderness in Psalm 78.5-8:

[Yawhweh] established a testimony in Jacob
    and appointed a law in Israel,
which he commanded our fathers
    to teach to their children,
that the next generation might know them,
    the children yet unborn,
and arise and tell them to their children,
    so that they should set their hope in God
and not forget the works of God,
    but keep his commandments;
and that they should not be like their fathers,
    a stubborn and rebellious generation,
a generation whose heart was not steadfast,
    whose spirit was not faithful to God.

There are three goals here for the next generation -- that they should "set their hope in God," that they would "keep his commandments," and, by contrast to their forefathers, that they would have a "steadfast heart" with spirits "faithful to God."

It's not exactly formulaic to teach someone to "set their hope in God."  No simple three-step solution.  Each of us can probably think of individuals for whom we've been praying for years to receive the gospel, but no matter how often or how patiently we labor to make Jesus' love known to them, the adage about leading horses to water remains true.  The best way to inspire hope, therefore, is to be hopeful yourself.  Ultimately, change of heart is the work of the Holy Spirit, and so my goal as a parent can't be to change my children, but to lead my children by setting the example of clinging to Jesus with all my might.  Paul repeatedly said to the Corinthians, "Be imitators of me, as I imitate Christ" (1 Cor 4.16; 11.1).  That's how we inspire our children to "set their hope in God."

While parenting is so much more than just teaching your kids to keep rules, it certainly is not less than that.  Asaph's second purpose in Psalm 78 is that the upcoming generation might "not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments."  Even if we fancy ourselves progressive parents who lead more by positive than negative reinforcement, at some point we need to emphasize and enforce the importance of obeying God's Word.  I'd argue that requires a strongly corrective element, because the Bible repeatedly states that the use of physical discipline in a young man's life brings correction and life, and is intrinsically connected to spiritual upbringing (Prov 13.24; 19.18; 22.15; 23.13-14; 29.15; Eph 6.4).  I notice also that the "rod and staff" of the Lord -- the painful instruments of shepherd's instruments of herding, correcting, and steering away from death -- should be regarded as a comfort to the Christian's soul (Psa 23.4).  While it is certainly the prerogative of parents to make their own rules, the rules we primarily seek to enforce should be biblically based -- God's rules, not just ours.  I always tell my teens that the arbitrary rules parents set may often seem unfair, but are not always unreasonable, and must still be honored.  More important, however, are the truly biblical rules that Scripture commands, such as loving one another well, speaking kindly, practicing forgiveness, and being obedient from the heart to parents and authorities.  Those are biblical "rules," and parents do well to enforce those kinds of standards in their children's lives.  We are after training our kids to learn to "keep his commandments" from the heart, not just because we say so.

Lastly, there is a great call for parents to raise children who possess steadfast and faithful hearts.  The contrast for Asaph in Psalm 78 is the first generation of Israelites coming out of Egypt, who moaned and complained in the desert, despite God's incredible faithfulness and generous provision.  Kids are expert complainers, but they often learn from the best: mom and dad, who have expectations of one another, of the neighbors, of the government, of the township, etc that are not always met.  Our goal as parents must be to inspire in our children gratitude and reliance upon God, the type of dependant faithfulness that always regards God as our gracious provider, despite what we might see in our present circumstances.

If you like me are still keeping track of your child's age in months rather than years, you know that you aren't really at the point yet that you can begin to have these types of conversations with your child.  It's such a beautiful time for parents to simply show unconditional love to a young life, where the only thing he or she can express is dependence.  But just because we're not necessarily able to teach verbally, we do have the ability to begin creating an atmosphere in our home that will facilitate later on the things that we intend to teach our children.  Often, parents struggle to instill biblical values in their children because those kids grew up in an environment where the message didn't match the atmosphere.  Even infants can sense tone, emotion, safety, and discomfort.

Imagine you have the good goal of teaching your kid these three purposes from Psalm 78, but he or she grows up in a house where the most common sounds are the TV and the nitpicking, the sometimes harsh tones of parents directed at one another (or at the dog).  The atmosphere the child begins to grow up in is one of disconnectedness, frustration, and obligatory caregiving.  What kinds of examples are being laid?  Mom and Dad communicate by trying to one-up the other in how difficult their day was?  Mom is the anxious type who worries about everything and irritates Dad, who is far too laid-back to be concerned about anything?  

Maybe I didn't cover your area of weakness in those hypotheticals, but the point is this: in order for us to be good parents and achieve the objectives of Psalm 78, then we must be disciples of Jesus ourselves.  Each of us must love, serve, and respect his or her spouse, be stewards of what God has given, demonstrate grace and compassion in the way we speak to and of others inside our home, and be personally disciplined in the ways we pray, study the Word, and put Scripture into practice in our everyday lives.

It's a tall order.  But it's what is implied in Psalm 78 and Moses' plea in Deuteronomy to the new generation of Israelites on the plains of Moab.  Instructing the next generation in the ways of the Lord cannot be done without firsthand belief and experience.  We must be willing to do the hard work ourselves if we have any realistic expectations of our children doing the same.